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New Arrival in the Family (
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Difficult but Fulfilling Process
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Muslim's every act is an ibadah (servitude to Allah).
What else could be more rewarding than helping create
and welcoming a new servant of Allah on earth? Nine
months may not be that much, but for a baby in the womb
it brings the end of an extraordinary stage of his journey.
It is a journey through which an impure 'spurting fluid'
(al-Qur'an 86:6) is fashioned in the safe lodging of
mother's womb (al-Qur'an 23:12-14) and grows bigger
and bigger to become a 'human being'. As the human being
is not meant to be confined in a tiny space, he needs
a wider physical world in order to go through the process
of 'test and tribulation' for which he is destined.
A
Question to think about
: According
to the Quran, how important is the stage of the child
being in the mother's womb and what bearing does it
have on the human being's life?
The
Birth
The
birth of a baby is a mixture of anxiety, excitement
and expectation. For mothers it is a fulfilling experience.
Allah has given in them unusual resilience strength
and courage to bear the burden and discomfort. A new
life in their lap is a dream coming true for both the
parents. It is the ultimate experience for a couple
of 'togetherness", both working in unison to bring a
new creature into the world.
Although
parenthood is a matter of preparedness from the time
one plans to marry, birth initiates the 'real world'
experience of parenting. Labour is a traumatic and painful
physical, as well as psychological, experience for a
woman. For many husbands it may be hard to watch their
beloved one in pain, but their presence has soothing
effect on their partners. It reduces anxiety and provides
a feeling of security to wives when most needed. The
shared experience creates deeper bond between the couple
in their common goal to serve Allah.
A
Question to think about
:"The
shared experience creates deeper bond between the couple."
In your view, what are the ways in which a husband can
support his wife during birth? Show how each way can
strengthen the bond between them.
Islamic
Customs on Birth of a Child
The
comfort and safety of the baby suddenly shatters in
the new unknown world. The new born (al-mawlood, pl-mawalid)
cries out. The Sunnah of the Prophet teaches that when
a baby is born he needs to be cleansed and dressed.
A male adult, father or some one close in the family,
should recite adhan (ritual call for collective prayer)
in the right ear and iqamah (ritual announcement for
starting the prayer) in the left ear. In the world of
spirit man declared his instinctive readiness to accept
Allah as his Lord (al-Qur'an 7:172). The first sound
to reach a baby's ear should thus be the declaration
of Allah's greatness, so that the sound always reverberates
in his memory and settled in his soul. It is mentioned
in a hadith that devil runs away by the sound of the
adhan.
The
mother of the faithful Ayesha (RA) mentioned, "I saw
the prophet give adhan in the ear of al-Hussein ibn
Ali when his mother, Fatima, gave birth to him". (Ahmad,
Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi).
When
a child was born in a family, Ayesha (RA) would not
ask whether it was a
boy or girl, rather she would ask "is it complete
and sound?" so, if she was
told that it was, she would say, "all praise and
thanks for Allah, Lord of
all creation". (Bukhari)
It
is an excellent practice to give a bit of small chewed
date to the baby,
so that he starts his life with sweetness.
Ayesha
(RA) said "new born children used to be brought
to Allah's messenger
and he would supplicate for blessing for them and rub
a chewed date upon his
palate" (Muslim, Abu Dawud).
Muslims
parents have instinctive dua (supplication) for their
new-born. The
supplication by Mariam's (AS) in this regard is unique
mother (al-Qur'an
3:36).
Arrival
of a child in a family is a glad tiding that needs to
be conveyed and
shared (al-Qur'an 3:39, 37:101).
A
Question to think about
: Give a pointwise list of things to do
(as reflected by the sunnah) after the child is born.
Show the order of precedence and comment on the significance
of each action.
Islamic
Customs in the first Week of a Child
"Every
child is held in pledge for his aqiqa which is sacrificed
for him on
his seventh day and he is named on it and his head is
shaved" (Ahmad and Abu
Dawud).
Names
should be linked with his father (al-Qur'an 33:5). Names
have to be
meaningful. Praiseworthy names are those which mean
slaves of Allah or His
attributes, the Prophets and the pious people.
"The
most beloved of your names in the eye of Allah, the
Mighty and
Magnificent, are Abdullah and Abdur Rahman" (Muslim).
Names
should not be such which are disapproved or forbidden
by the Prophet.
Whoever
has a child born to him and wishes to offer a sacrifice
then let him
sacrifice two sheep for a boy and a single sheep for
a girl. (Abu Dawud and
Nasa'i)
With
the child there is aqiqa, so spill blood for him and
remove the harm
from him (Bukhari, Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi)
When
al-Hasan was born, he (messenger) said to her (Fatima)
: shave his head
and give the weight of his hair in silver to the poor.
So, she shaved off his
hair, weighed it and its weight was a dirham or a part
of dirham. (Ahmad and
al-Baihaqi)
The
fitrah (the natural way) is five : circumcision, shaving
the private
parts, trimming the moustache, clipping the nails and
plucking hair from the
armpits (Bukhari, Muslim) Circumcision is better on
the 7th day.
A
Question to think about
: There
is indeed great wisdom in the Islamic customs in the
first week of a child. Can you find points that justify
this statement.
Sons
and Daughters to be Treated Equally
The
gender of a child should not bother parents. After all,
it is divine
will. Sons and daughters must be treated equally. In
pre-Islamic Arab and
some other societies daughters were the symbol of embarrassment
and were
treated in shameful manner to the extent that some Arab
fathers buried them
alive. It is an irony that many societies even today
do not welcome the birth
of daughters in the same way they do with sons.
Whoever
takes care of two girls until they reach adulthood he
and I will stay
on the Day of Resurrection - and he interlaced his fingers
(Muslim).
Prophet's behaviour with his daughter Fatima was exemplary.
A
Question to think about
: Can you
think of reasons why, even today, many societies do
not welcome the birth of daughters?
The
Demand from the Newborn Babies
The
demand from the newborn babies is continuous and tremendous.
Mothers
should be in the forefront in making sure that the baby
is clean, well-fed,
loved and protected. Breast-milk is the perfect food
for human babies. The
physical touch of the baby with the mother during breastfeeding
creates
exhilarated relationship between the two. This is the
root of life-long love
between a mother and a child.
Newborn
babies are fully dependent on adults. The only way they
can
communicate is crying when they are hungry or uncomfortable
and smiling when
they are happy. Their hands and feet participate in
their action. Babies like
to be rocked and talked to. The excellent practice for
parents is to recite
the Qur'an for them.
A
Question to think about
: The child
is completely dependent on his parents. Suggest ways
in which parents can make sure that they are always
aware of the child's needs and fulfill them.
What
about other Children?
A
newborn baby naturally gets all the attention in a family.
Older brothers
and sisters can feel a little bit left out. The youngest
one, who had
probably so far monopolised parental attention, can
be confused or jealous.
Parents have to be sensitive on this. It is just a matter
of time when things
settle down and the brothers and sisters learn to accommodate
themselves to
create a lifelong relationship.
Passing
on the Trust of Faith
Holding
a baby in the arms is one of the most emotionally fulfilling
experiences in life. Watching a baby grow and thrive
is most rewarding.
Getting to know a new born baby in the first few days
and weeks is also a
thrilling experience which reaches far beyond just caring
for his daily
needs. The baby learns about his parents, the family
and the surroundings. It
is an unforgettable time for the whole family watching
a tiny person making
sense of the world around him. In this process parents
also get more matured
and responsible in life. It is an interactive dynamic
process.
Children
are a source of vigour to the heart, joy to the souls
and pleasure
to the eyes. Wealth and children are adornments to human
beings (al-Qur'an
18:47) which allure them toward worldly life. Many forget
the role of proper
upbringing their children because of the intense love
for them. Parents are
for the protection and physical care of their children.
Time is the
invaluable gift parents can give to their children.
On top of everything,
Muslim parents are in obligation to pass on the amanah
(Trust) of faith to
their children from the very young and tender age, so
that they can grow with
balanced Muslim personality. Only then they can bear
witness to the Truth
before mankind in the future.
A
Question to think about
: "In this
process parents also get more matured and responsible
in life." Expand on this by showing what aspects of
the parents' character improve. Also show how children
can allure human beings toward worldly life.
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